So what now?

One of the things that I thought while I was working is that I am doing exactly the same thing. I wake up early in the morning, take a bath, eat, go to work, watch T.V / read book, sleep, then wake up again in the morning.  It becomes a routinary for me. Also, earning doesn't help at all because when I earn, a part of it goes to my parents, to my monthly savings, extra expenses, leisure,  but again go back to work and wait for the end of the month to have my salary. I came to realize that I am exactly going nowhere. I'm just living in a cycle.

While I was on a break contemplating about life, I thought that I do not want this routine for the rest of my life. I have to do something about it or else I'll die with only purpose of having clothes, survived, enjoyed a few pleasure in life, and then nothing. It's will all be like as if I have never existed. And the only proof of my existence is my grave stone. I might as well put there "This certifies that a certain Leah existed".

When I came into realization that that's all I am going to do for the next 10 years of my life or so, I thought not. You see, there's this desire in me to step out of being someone in the background. Someone who works according to someone's dictation, work for me to survive, work just to have my fill. NO. I can't. I just can't tread the water for the rest of my life, I have to emerge from it.

So I was driven by these questions, and now suffice it to say that I have few answers. I cannot say the answers because some may not exactly understand my philosophy. But I'll mention one important answer: Contribute to the world.

Honestly, in my opinion, it's not just okay to live in this world filling our only needs and wants. It's not enough to just live and have family. We have to contribute to our world. I haven't done it yet, but it's because I am starting. But I'll say that it's one of my important plans. I need to touch someone's life. I need to build the world that my God has entrusted to me. I need to give hope for my brothers and sisters because my Dad wants me to do this. Now, this is the purpose that had struck in my mind. I cannot just live my life but I have to live for others and for our world.

I might say that this "wisdom" that I have acquired is given to me by my Father and best friend, God. I had been praying to him about life and my purpose of existence. And I believe that through this everyday wisdom I get is His way of talking to me, of guiding me as His daughter, and best friend. I believe that God wanted me to be like this.

Thanks Dad! I won't let you down.

Minutes of my life: bloody fiction, credit card, and God.

5:22 PM

Whenever I watch Merlin or anything that has to do with magic, supernatural, or super powers I couldn't help but to wish that I got one too. I like it because it seems cool. Plus, having powers would mean I could save the world too. Now, wouldn't that be cool? :P Pissh.. I'm really starting to lose grasp of reality.

Anyway I haven't taken a bloody bath yet. I didn't because I have no where to go; but since I am bored and there's nothing to do but to bloody hang around like some sod, I should hit the shower then. Oh geez.

5:25 PM

I am currently downloading Castle season 1 and it's still in 20%. I have been downloading this since 8 AM. I wish it could finish soon because I can't wait. I am starting to get all the Beckett and Castle ship-plague. Well I ought to go now. Bye bye! Update laters.

5:43 PM

I just finished taking my bath. On my way to the shower, dad asked me "Do you have an extra cash to pay for your credit card? The credit card company will be sending letter soon". I told him that I have an extra cash. I should have learned more about Robert Kiyosaki just before I bought the iTouch. I bought one as a reward for myself, but I should have known better. The thought that I have to pay for it in this trying times seems like a heavy cross on my back.

I am still on my towel. I would be praying right after. I most of time do, sometimes I forget it and sometimes I do it intentionally because I was procrastinating. But believe me when I forget it, it's mostly because I have forgotten. Before I say goodbye, I always thought about what Hades (Ralph Fiennes) said in the movie, "Clash of Titans". That Zeus feeds on the people's prayer. I suddenly thought if God is the same. I thought about writing our parish priest, but he seems somehow snobbish; or maybe it's just me?

Anyhow if I could ask Pope, I'd ask him to tell me that God isn't vain. I don't want to think that He is. But if in case, I don't really care. I love God. He had always been good to me.

Last, I am thinking of making an entry addressing to people I know about. I'll probably make one after. :) I'll call this kind of entry as "Minutes of my life".

I'll update more later. See you! I'll remember you in my prayers.

5:53 PM

I am not yet done praying. I just wanted to say before I finally end this minute that I am tempted to apply in ANC's Storyline as a part of their production team. I think it will be cool. But I don't know, but I want to. The only thing that stops me is my being practical. But I should try right? I mean it's better to try it than not really try at all. I should just submit and see what happens next.

Oh I will, right after I pray. And I am leaving for real this time. See you later.