Stranger magnet

I attract strangers.

Every time I go out alone a stranger would come to me for a short talk. I was telling myself that probably I look nice for them to approach me. hahaha! <--- vain :) Anyway I'd tell you about one of those person I met, her name is Lily. She had been living in US, she's a Filipino and now she's here in the Philippines. We talked about US and about the book that I am currently reading. She told me about her family. There's something about Lily you know. I mean when she talk about her family, her eyes seem to twinkle. Seriously, there's something so strangely happy in her eyes when she talk about her family. She told me about her sons and daughter and every time she says their name, her face lit up. There was one line though that stayed with me. "One day Ange (her daughter) was just a baby now she's already married. Yesterday, I was just a lady now a grandmother. Time goes by, and you'll never notice it until your daughter or son reach a certain event in their life. From their first fall, to their first breakup, to their graduation, and to their wedding. Everything passes, only love doesn't." and just like that, she stared fixed somewhere I don't know. It seemed like she was no longer talking to me but to herself. I pat her arm and said "Thanks"

 

That's how she looked like. If you see her, please say hi for me

I like meeting people because I want to hear their stories. I've met a few strangers and I can still recall those strangers who had shared their story with me. This lady, ms. Lily will surely be an added to those people who shared so little yet meant so much to me. Wherever you are ms. Lily I think you are a wonderful person. ♥

So what now?

One of the things that I thought while I was working is that I am doing exactly the same thing. I wake up early in the morning, take a bath, eat, go to work, watch T.V / read book, sleep, then wake up again in the morning.  It becomes a routinary for me. Also, earning doesn't help at all because when I earn, a part of it goes to my parents, to my monthly savings, extra expenses, leisure,  but again go back to work and wait for the end of the month to have my salary. I came to realize that I am exactly going nowhere. I'm just living in a cycle.

While I was on a break contemplating about life, I thought that I do not want this routine for the rest of my life. I have to do something about it or else I'll die with only purpose of having clothes, survived, enjoyed a few pleasure in life, and then nothing. It's will all be like as if I have never existed. And the only proof of my existence is my grave stone. I might as well put there "This certifies that a certain Leah existed".

When I came into realization that that's all I am going to do for the next 10 years of my life or so, I thought not. You see, there's this desire in me to step out of being someone in the background. Someone who works according to someone's dictation, work for me to survive, work just to have my fill. NO. I can't. I just can't tread the water for the rest of my life, I have to emerge from it.

So I was driven by these questions, and now suffice it to say that I have few answers. I cannot say the answers because some may not exactly understand my philosophy. But I'll mention one important answer: Contribute to the world.

Honestly, in my opinion, it's not just okay to live in this world filling our only needs and wants. It's not enough to just live and have family. We have to contribute to our world. I haven't done it yet, but it's because I am starting. But I'll say that it's one of my important plans. I need to touch someone's life. I need to build the world that my God has entrusted to me. I need to give hope for my brothers and sisters because my Dad wants me to do this. Now, this is the purpose that had struck in my mind. I cannot just live my life but I have to live for others and for our world.

I might say that this "wisdom" that I have acquired is given to me by my Father and best friend, God. I had been praying to him about life and my purpose of existence. And I believe that through this everyday wisdom I get is His way of talking to me, of guiding me as His daughter, and best friend. I believe that God wanted me to be like this.

Thanks Dad! I won't let you down.

Puffing Away Life

Let me tell you about puffing away life.

Puffing away life is when you sit in front of the computer surfing the net never doing anything productive. You visit the same website, you see the same content, yet you still refuse to stop visiting it. Puffing away life is when you let the day gone by watching the sun set and sun rise by just being in the same position, your shadow the only one moving. Puffing away life is lost opportunity you should have taken because you are too afraid to take it. Puffing away life is when you are controlled by your inner demons and fears never letting you touch the ray of happiness within your reach. Puffing away life is when you wait for god-knows-what only you really wait for nothing in the end. Puffing away life is when you wait inside your room waiting for that call that will never come. Puffing away life is cigarette spent not really smoked. Puffing away life is you justifying mistakes only to cover up the should have beens.

Puffing away life is writing senseless entries like this. Not benefiting from anything other than the fact that you are spending your life away one word at a time.

stream of thoughts at 6:03 PM

If there's anything that I admire so far in blogging it's Stephen Fry. I like Stephen Fry's wit. I wish I have the same cleverness as he has. I am saying that because I am blogging right now and so far I have been thinking of what to blog about. Since, nothing so substantial seem to cross my mind, I might as well be spontaneous. Don't we love spontaneity?

And since we are already in the topic of blogging I once hanged-out with this two people and they both have this little notebooks with them and whatever interesting comes out of our topic they'd jot it down, saying "Now I have something to blog about". Hmm ... Maybe I ought to do the same. I just find it amusing that they really have those notebooks with them. Isn't that a little OC, no?

***

Let me just get my bar of Kit-Kat. In blogging most people talk about their life. To tell something about my life, I am still as I was yesterday, a week ago, and the last few months. I think my life is a little bit boring. I don't have the life like of those in the T.Vs that I watch. I don't slay dragons, chase bad guys, getting into a social event, being chased by photographers, not even diagnosing patients. I am just me. Being me, isn't really interesting. I wake up in the morning, poach eggs, prepare myself a coffee, read the news, and just go on into my life routinely. Things happen, just as the same. I wish something exciting happens. Like in one of those movies. A simple girl who has a simple life then suddenly went to a different turn and her life changed drastically. Like Harry Potter, like the guy that James McAvoy played in Wanted that kind of change. hahaha!

***

I'll just get a glass of water but to say I must admit that something has changed in my life. But nothing as exciting as I have mentioned earlier. What has changed is the way I think. I changed right after I was introduced into Create Abundance a few months ago. I think that group had ridiculously change my life into 90º turn. Now I can say that I am more prepared to face my future -- that is financially speaking. But there's  more to discover about life really. I haven't been able to experience a lot since I am mostly sheltered. I cannot really say that I am tough because I haven't been toughen a bit by world yet. But I am more than ready (and so is my heart) for whatever may come.

Hahaha sounds like as if I am ready to get into a fight eh? Well, life's tough. It's a survival, me thinks. :D

What an awkward shit.

I am currently writing a cover letter for a position that I don't know if I really wanted to take. The reason why I wanted to take it is because I think it will be fun, plus I think it will be substantial. However, one of the reason why I wanted to keep myself from applying in it is because of practical issues.

I am still a little disoriented as I am suffering from headache. It bloody feel like as if someone just hit me with a sledgehammer.

Oh yeah, I wish someone just did; at least that would have done justice.

Okay here I go. Whatever may happen, let it be.

Contrary, I stopped writing my cover letter for that position. The thing is, I just want to be there just for the heck of it.

Would you get yourself into a job that does not compensate you than you deserve? Would you get yourself into a job just because you think that it would make you understand life better? Does anyone do that? Because you see that would be my reason why I wanted to join the team. Heck.

Sometimes I am afraid of how nut I can be.

Now I am writing back again but I don't know if I am doing it right. My letter seem to be a little shallow.

I should be unconventional. Seriously.

I am withholding my cover-letter and CV. I already have everything but I could not submit it.


WHAT SHOULD I DO??

Drat, mom came in and I told her about it and she said something negative and told me that it's hard ... blah blah blah. :| I guess that's my hint.

Minutes of my life: 10 AM filled with Negative feelings + Nat Geo Great Migrations - Part Une

10:28 AM

I am filled with so much frustration and annoyance. I don't know what has gotten into me, but I am annoyed to the nth level; and frustrated beyond belief. I think I woke up in the wrong side of the bed. I wanted to scream, pull my hair in frustration but rather not. grar.

And since I am annoyed and frustrated and there's nothing I can do about it I'll just pout like some 4th year old brat.

hmp.

10:35 AM

I am sad. This is one of the days when I would suddenly feel the sadness enveloping me because of my frustration. :( I hope this goes away. I guess I might as well close this Minutes of my Life entry for this time. This is just filled with negative feelings. I think it will be better if I start with positive ones.

10:48 AM

I guess I'll just finish watching Princess Diaries and hope that something similar will happen to me. hahaha. What the hell. :] I hope my life gets a little bit interesting. Shiesh.

Oh whaddya know, I was just putting up labels and realized that I have already "frustrated" in my labels. No surprise there.

10:58 AM

In addition to my sadness, Daphe had released the first 12 winners of the National Geographic I live Curious t-shirt. Unfortunately, I'm not on the list, but there will be next 13 winners to be announced. I don't know what my chances are. According to their mechanics there are really no rules, no standards, any entry can be as creative as possible. Thinking of what I have submitted, made me realized how vague, and corny my entry was. It made me feel like as if the curious question I have went nowhere. But thinking about it, that's what I am really curious about. 

You see, my entry was: In this crazy world we live in, I wonder why is this all happening?

I don't know if my question is striking; or hits bulls eye. But I don't know, I am rather feeling despondent. I never really won anything and thinking about my chances of winning seems to be less likely to happen. Shiesh, this isn't just my time. I am hoping for a good one later.

*snaps my self* Choose to be happy, self. Okay I'll remind myself about that.

Before I end this, I'll just promote the National Geographic Great Migrations this November 7, 9 PM MNL time.






An awe-inspiring chronicle of life on the move. Three years in the making. The biggest undertaking and most ambitious documentary produced by National Geographic in its 122-year history.

They move as millions to survive as one.

National Geographic Channel's Great Migrations is a seven-part global programming event that takes viewers around the world on the arduous journeys millions of animals undertake to ensure the survival of their species. Shot from land and air, in trees and cliff-blinds, on ice floes and underwater, Great Migrations tells the formidable, powerful stories of many of the planet's species and their movements, while revealing new scientific discoveries with breathtaking high-definition clarity .

Well that's it for now. Will update later for part deux of Minutes of My Life

Just like now.

10:06 PM

Sometimes just like now I have a lot of ideas that I want to write but I couldn't get them out of my head and type them all here. Why is that? But you know when I have  a lot of idea and I had my journal and pen, I can get it out so effortlessly. I wonder why.

I guess this is the because I am always comfortable writing in my journal than here. hmp.

10:08 PM

Oy, whaddya know Castle season 1 episode 2 has just finished downloading. Time to have some Castle' lovin'. I am now currently downloading Merlin season 3 episode 5. Merlin just keeps getting better and better. And oy, I am also downloading Robin Hood with Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett. I suddenly missed it right after I watched Merlin. :|

And probably I'll soon download The Devil Who Wears Prada I just suddenly missed it. :[ Well I wish no Optical Media Board is reading this, I don't want to get caught!

Hmmm another thing why is it that it doesn't feel like Christmas? And I suddenly missed the song, It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas ♪  I am going to listen to it even though it doesn't look like one here. It seems like it's an ordinary day. We usually have decorations as soon as September comes :( Oh this also reminds me of the Polar Express movie and this particular quote:

At one time most of my friends could hear the bell, but as years passed it fell silent for all of them. Even Sarah found one Christmas that she could no longer hear its sweet sound.

Don't you think it's right? That we are starting to be Sarah too? That we can no longer feel Christmas when we reach a certain point? :( Nooooo!!! It can't be. It just can't be. I love Christmas.

10:16 PM

Dang this transferring of video takes longer than usual. Oh well, I am going to search for that song as this loads.




This really makes me happy ♪

10:19 PM

Oy, there it's done. I can finally watch Castle! See ya!

Getting into Castle

I must admit that yes I am impulsive. I just got into the "Castle" fandom-ship just right after I finished the first episode. Thanks to my friend Nikka who introduced me to the series.

".. [I]t's a mystery, crime detective story. The murderer kills the victim just like how this famous writer does his story"  Nikka told me while we were enjoying the dawn.We just finished jogging and we were talking about the series that we were watching. I don't know how we actually got to that topic. It's just we jump from one topic to another. I think we got there when out of sudden, she told me that she's watching Merlin.

When she gave me that little information about how the story goes, my curiosity pique. It reminded me of "Urban Legend" film, where there was a pattern for killing. I really have a thing for that kind of story. While Nikka was telling me more about the series, I told myself, heck I should try this one. So one lazy afternoon sunday, while I was lounging and browsing different sites, I thought about downloading it and seeing it for myself.

It was a zing! I love it. The chemistry between Beckett and Castle was amazing.The first few minutes already got me. Then watching the entire episode made me fall in love. It was just ... super!

*sigh* I can't wait for the rest of the episode. But for now, while the second episode is downloading I might as well burn calories.

Last, seriously, I hope I can get into a work just like theirs because it seems like a hell of a cool job. :]

Planning ahead!

 

Okay so since I have said that I did not really like my course, so I chose the one closest to my heart -- marketing. Plus, this is what Robert Kiyosaki adviced: to take up jobs that will teach me not only to give me money. I have taken this one as I know that I will gain A LOT. I know I will learn big time here and I will be able to experience first hand about negotiations and how to do marketing in different levels. Furthermore, being exposed to people will be a benefit.

I know God has a purpose why I couldn't seem to take the other listings posted, probably He wanted to direct me there. hahahaha! But oh well, we'll never know until I get there. I am excited! I hope, hope, hope, hope that I will get there. He has great plans for me, I know, and I am sure of it.

For now all I am doing is learning more about investing, entrepreneurship, being financially literate, and pattern (if there is, like what Caldwell said) of success. 

My sister told me to make my own destiny, to make my story and I am making one now. And this will be the place for me to write it down.

Update more later. Ciao!

Frustrated

I can't believe it. I just can't believe it.

This is just not my day. Apparently, I seem to be the most unfortunate there is. Well I wouldn't really say that I am unfortunate because what my problems are, is probably too little for others who are suffering from hunger or from someone in brink of death. But what I am saying is that I am unfortunate to what others seem to be having now. And I say that I am unfortunate because I feel like I am hitting rock bottom. I am frustrated beyond belief. If this is God's work to test me and to challenge my patience He is getting a 1-0 in favor him. But that doesn't mean I am quitting. I am just going to give this day to Him and probably work on what I am missing. a;dapdkopawdkpawkdpowkdp

You want to know the reason for my frustration? It's just that I have a BIG idea and I can't seem to execute it because it's not yet the time. Plus, I don't have enough sources to get this to work. I know, you'd say "what do you mean not yet the time? there's no such thing as perfect time, so start working on your plan!". But you see I'm still in the planning stage. I am on my first step of the stairs. But what frustrates me is that I am taking too little steps to get it started. I want to take big steps but I just don't know how!  Second, sources ... I need to have this sources in order for me to get started. I can't and I couldn't seem to get ahead. :(

I'm sorry for the mindless rant. I am just frustrated that's all. Lord, forgive me. I know.

What should I do???

What Should I Do?

I was sitting on our couch thinking of how life had been draggingly slow for me. I was torn between doing what I want and doing what is expected of me. Seriously, this was starting to get into my nerves. Every time I take an overview of my life I was torn of what I should be doing and what I really want.

When I graduated it seemed like I was in an open field. Here I am living in a big world! I thought I can finally be whatever I wanted to be. I can be an F1 racing driver, a reporter, a field researcher, a talk show host, or live my dream becoming a writer ... the opportunities are limitless! It's ZENITH! But then again, how do I exactly get that? How can I BECOME ONE OF THOSE?

That question was like a freezing cold bucket of water and ice splashed into my face waking me up from my dream. Now, so it seems, I am stuck to what I should be ... an IT person. Someone who's stuck in front of the computer debugging, writing codes, and all of those bland things I have been doing back in college. I can't. I just can't be stuck inside an air-conditioned office fixing, writing codes for the rest of my life. I need a little spice. I wanted action.

Just when I did not expect it, an unsolicited advice was handed to me. You see while I was having the usual idle time of my life watching Dateline, this Lebron James commercial was featured during Boyet Sison's sports news. The commercial is about "...the expectations others may have of him (Lebron James) versus the expectations he has of himself...".

I thought, wow did Nike just gave me an advice? That now in my question of What I should do: Should I do what I want or should I do what is expected of me? They [Nike] just told me, "JUST DO IT".

The answer might a little vague but I am sure it wanted me to do what I ought should be. And I am taking that advice and I'll just do it. I'll take a plunge. Whatever is going to happen, let it be. Think of me as a madwoman now, world. But just so you wait. I'll do it and you'll see it.