Stranger magnet

I attract strangers.

Every time I go out alone a stranger would come to me for a short talk. I was telling myself that probably I look nice for them to approach me. hahaha! <--- vain :) Anyway I'd tell you about one of those person I met, her name is Lily. She had been living in US, she's a Filipino and now she's here in the Philippines. We talked about US and about the book that I am currently reading. She told me about her family. There's something about Lily you know. I mean when she talk about her family, her eyes seem to twinkle. Seriously, there's something so strangely happy in her eyes when she talk about her family. She told me about her sons and daughter and every time she says their name, her face lit up. There was one line though that stayed with me. "One day Ange (her daughter) was just a baby now she's already married. Yesterday, I was just a lady now a grandmother. Time goes by, and you'll never notice it until your daughter or son reach a certain event in their life. From their first fall, to their first breakup, to their graduation, and to their wedding. Everything passes, only love doesn't." and just like that, she stared fixed somewhere I don't know. It seemed like she was no longer talking to me but to herself. I pat her arm and said "Thanks"

 

That's how she looked like. If you see her, please say hi for me

I like meeting people because I want to hear their stories. I've met a few strangers and I can still recall those strangers who had shared their story with me. This lady, ms. Lily will surely be an added to those people who shared so little yet meant so much to me. Wherever you are ms. Lily I think you are a wonderful person. ♥

I don't want to be like HIM.

My dad thinks that credit card is an advantage when in truth, it isn't. I was pissed with my dad earlier because he's insisting that I spend my money on buying an LCD. To say, there's really no problem. The thing that pisses me off is the fact that he wanted me to buy LCD through Credit Card.

During our discussion he was also telling me to invest on insurance (like PAG-IBIG) when in truth, investing in insurance isn't on the top list of my investing plans.

What adds to me annoyance is when he told me not to save this early. He told me to spend on things first. I have been reading books about finance and expanding my expenses is the last thing on my mind. He told me to start saving by 30. I think not. You see I don't want to start saving by 30 because by then I'll have an enough of money by what? 50? I want to save and expand my savings as early as I can. I want to spend my money on objects that will generate an income for me or at least will teach me more about financial literacy; not exactly in leisure and materials to make me look like a millionaire or wealthy.

You see, I really don't want to follow him. I want to take risk. If I'll end up losing large sum of money then so be it. Let me learn from my mistakes. Let me take risk and win (or fail). If I win, I'd gain a treasure of wisdom and gold. If I lost then I'd gain a lesson.

I don't like being dictated how I should spend my money because I am old enough. Plus, he's not financially successful so I don't want to follow his footsteps. I think, he thinks that he's protecting but he's not. What he's doing is directing me exactly on the way he went through.

My father has a mind of a middle class. The only thing that puts money in his pocket is his job and the rest goes to tax and expenditures that will make him look wealthy. Looking wealthy is not on my priority list, okay?

Seriously, the last thing I want to be is to be like biological father, financially speaking that is.

So what now?

One of the things that I thought while I was working is that I am doing exactly the same thing. I wake up early in the morning, take a bath, eat, go to work, watch T.V / read book, sleep, then wake up again in the morning.  It becomes a routinary for me. Also, earning doesn't help at all because when I earn, a part of it goes to my parents, to my monthly savings, extra expenses, leisure,  but again go back to work and wait for the end of the month to have my salary. I came to realize that I am exactly going nowhere. I'm just living in a cycle.

While I was on a break contemplating about life, I thought that I do not want this routine for the rest of my life. I have to do something about it or else I'll die with only purpose of having clothes, survived, enjoyed a few pleasure in life, and then nothing. It's will all be like as if I have never existed. And the only proof of my existence is my grave stone. I might as well put there "This certifies that a certain Leah existed".

When I came into realization that that's all I am going to do for the next 10 years of my life or so, I thought not. You see, there's this desire in me to step out of being someone in the background. Someone who works according to someone's dictation, work for me to survive, work just to have my fill. NO. I can't. I just can't tread the water for the rest of my life, I have to emerge from it.

So I was driven by these questions, and now suffice it to say that I have few answers. I cannot say the answers because some may not exactly understand my philosophy. But I'll mention one important answer: Contribute to the world.

Honestly, in my opinion, it's not just okay to live in this world filling our only needs and wants. It's not enough to just live and have family. We have to contribute to our world. I haven't done it yet, but it's because I am starting. But I'll say that it's one of my important plans. I need to touch someone's life. I need to build the world that my God has entrusted to me. I need to give hope for my brothers and sisters because my Dad wants me to do this. Now, this is the purpose that had struck in my mind. I cannot just live my life but I have to live for others and for our world.

I might say that this "wisdom" that I have acquired is given to me by my Father and best friend, God. I had been praying to him about life and my purpose of existence. And I believe that through this everyday wisdom I get is His way of talking to me, of guiding me as His daughter, and best friend. I believe that God wanted me to be like this.

Thanks Dad! I won't let you down.

Being employed

This monday or probably Tuesday I'll start working for a multinational company. I am actually excited about it because it's a brand new start for me because first, I'll be able to start all over again. Second, I can start building my savings plan. Third, I'll learn new things. I am excited for my first two years there. I know there are a lot of things that will happen but I am all positive. I also have plans already but there are all drafts in my head -- if God is so willing, He'll be able to help me construct it and execute my plans.

I am excited for what awaits me. God willing, this will all come out as planned but if not I know He has a better plan than I have.

Puffing Away Life

Let me tell you about puffing away life.

Puffing away life is when you sit in front of the computer surfing the net never doing anything productive. You visit the same website, you see the same content, yet you still refuse to stop visiting it. Puffing away life is when you let the day gone by watching the sun set and sun rise by just being in the same position, your shadow the only one moving. Puffing away life is lost opportunity you should have taken because you are too afraid to take it. Puffing away life is when you are controlled by your inner demons and fears never letting you touch the ray of happiness within your reach. Puffing away life is when you wait for god-knows-what only you really wait for nothing in the end. Puffing away life is when you wait inside your room waiting for that call that will never come. Puffing away life is cigarette spent not really smoked. Puffing away life is you justifying mistakes only to cover up the should have beens.

Puffing away life is writing senseless entries like this. Not benefiting from anything other than the fact that you are spending your life away one word at a time.

Nostalgia over Maalaala Mo Kaya

Earlier today I suddenly got a pang of nostalgia over my old "ship". I used to ship them like way back 8 years ago. hahaha! I don't know I suddenly thought of them. I am a funny little kid mind you. So I'm not surprised there. lol! :))

Anyhow, anyhow, anyhow. I've been scanning some old threads in this popular local forum and I stumbled upon Maalaala Mo Kaya thread (Maalaala Mo Kaya is a drama anthology show in our local channel) and there are topics in which they discussed what episode would people want to see again. In my case there are few episodes that I wanted to see.

1. The Wedding Vow -- This is the Eric Quizon, Carmina Villaroel episode. Eric here has a mental illness which he kept a secret from his wife. It was just later that Carmina found out about his illness. Eric was so great in his acting. I can clearly remember how much I have cried in this episode. This was shown July 1997. hahaha! I could no longer find a copy anywhere in WWW.

2. The Charlie Davao pre-Christmas episode -- This is the Jean Garcia, Ricky Davao episode. This was way back 1900's where Charlie was on his top career and with good life. Charlie was diagnosed with something. I can't clearly remember it because I had to turn off the T.V because we had a novena with my family. But I got into some parts. It was really touching. Anyhow the story was about a certain point of Charlie and his first wife Emma's life. I liked Jean and Ricky here (December 18, 2003).

 Oh this is not an MMK picture still. 

I just used the picture because it has them in it.

3. Manika -- This featured Jean Garcia, Ricky Davao, and Angelica Panganiban. Jean Garcia is an OFW while Ricky stays at home to take care of their only child -- Angelica only that a tragedy came where in Angelica was rape and murdered. The pivotal scene there was when Ricky called Jean and could hardly tell her the sad news. (2004?)

4. Billyard -- This is the Matthew (forgot his last name) and G. Tongi (did I get the last name right?) episode. Matthew was the good boy and G. Tongi was slutty girl in the university. It was cute love story. So I wanted to watch it but hardly see a copy on line.(????) :(

Anyway I really ought to find Maalaala Mo Kaya DVD. I hope there are DVDs sold somewhere in Video Stores.

stream of thoughts at 6:03 PM

If there's anything that I admire so far in blogging it's Stephen Fry. I like Stephen Fry's wit. I wish I have the same cleverness as he has. I am saying that because I am blogging right now and so far I have been thinking of what to blog about. Since, nothing so substantial seem to cross my mind, I might as well be spontaneous. Don't we love spontaneity?

And since we are already in the topic of blogging I once hanged-out with this two people and they both have this little notebooks with them and whatever interesting comes out of our topic they'd jot it down, saying "Now I have something to blog about". Hmm ... Maybe I ought to do the same. I just find it amusing that they really have those notebooks with them. Isn't that a little OC, no?

***

Let me just get my bar of Kit-Kat. In blogging most people talk about their life. To tell something about my life, I am still as I was yesterday, a week ago, and the last few months. I think my life is a little bit boring. I don't have the life like of those in the T.Vs that I watch. I don't slay dragons, chase bad guys, getting into a social event, being chased by photographers, not even diagnosing patients. I am just me. Being me, isn't really interesting. I wake up in the morning, poach eggs, prepare myself a coffee, read the news, and just go on into my life routinely. Things happen, just as the same. I wish something exciting happens. Like in one of those movies. A simple girl who has a simple life then suddenly went to a different turn and her life changed drastically. Like Harry Potter, like the guy that James McAvoy played in Wanted that kind of change. hahaha!

***

I'll just get a glass of water but to say I must admit that something has changed in my life. But nothing as exciting as I have mentioned earlier. What has changed is the way I think. I changed right after I was introduced into Create Abundance a few months ago. I think that group had ridiculously change my life into 90º turn. Now I can say that I am more prepared to face my future -- that is financially speaking. But there's  more to discover about life really. I haven't been able to experience a lot since I am mostly sheltered. I cannot really say that I am tough because I haven't been toughen a bit by world yet. But I am more than ready (and so is my heart) for whatever may come.

Hahaha sounds like as if I am ready to get into a fight eh? Well, life's tough. It's a survival, me thinks. :D

I miss you.

I miss you.

I miss you surfer boy. You who loves drinking snapple. :(

I realized that if I write here, I wouldn't bother writing in my journal and vice-versa. :| dang. Will post here again next time. I was supposed to be watercoloring today but skipped it as my highschool friends had invited me to go out with them. I missed hanging out with them. I love them all. I love my friends. I may not be always around but I guarantee them that I'll always be their friend. Whatever happens.

♥

I'm starting to miss him. I miss you, snapple boy.

 this post is a bit of a paradox.

seriously lacking.

I get insecure when I read a very good writing. I'm really frustrated with my style of writing because it seems like it's all going down the drain. I find my writing inconsistent and grammatically flawed. It is not that I want to write perfectly but I am hoping that I could at least write interestingly with few grammatical errors and only a bit of inconsistencies. But I don't know I am not at all pleased with my kind of writing. :[

~ sigh ~ How come others can write so good even though it's simple?

I just think that my writings are a bit trying hard. Don't you think?

Minutes of my life: Great Migrations + random shallow things in my life

10:15 PM

I cried watching National Geographic Channel's Great Migrations. I cried because the animals never fails to make me soft. It didn't help that the cinematography was magical and narration was poetic.



see the still images here Clicky

** save the animals. :]

10:26 PM

I tried to distract myself from worrying about my application in this multinational company that I applied to. I don't want to even think or even consider the idea that I may not be getting a job offer because it's really my target. I tried not thinking something negative about it but  dang even though how much I try,  the thought has been nagging me since earlier and now it's starting to depress me. Please, I want it so badly. Please, God?

10:29 PM

I am thinking of writing my story again but I don't know how my story would go. Shiesh this kind of project never really last in my hands. I mean whenever I think about writing a story I couldn't stick with it because when a day passes I'd suddenly thought of another of story with a different plot. The project, therefore, was short lived. :[

And I can't do short lived stories if I want to be a writer. I also have to practice my writing. I write like a 10 year old kid.

10:34 PM

I need to do something substantial in my life. I cannot live forever like this. I need to find an organization that I can be active on. Do something that matters to someone. Not just to me.  It's just that I really believe that we are born because we have a purpose not just to live.
I am thinking of being an environmentalist hmmm ... but I also wanted to take home for the aged as a charity. :/

10:37 PM

I think I should go. I'm really starting to feel sleepy and I'm kinda depressed and feeling a bit down. I think I'd sleep and hope for a better day tomorrow.

10:48 PM

This entry makes my head ache. hahahaha! I mean, it's kind whine-y and I contradict myself too much. But blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

10:55 PM

♥ oy!

The Cat.

It was a little before ten, right after I biked when I went to our terrace to watch for the stars and feel the early blow of Christmas season. Out of nowhere I noticed a silhouette in the far corner of the terrace, perched on top of the marble.

There was no light in the terrace so solid forms was in silhouette. I came nearer and realized that it was cat. A black cat with white fur on its chest and a fancy black bow tie. A black bow tie? Probably a lost cat. Funny looking cat though.

The cat sat so stiffly like as if it was a statue. I almost had the urge to clap in front of it just to see it move and confirm to myself that it is indeed alive.

I shook my head.

What a silly thought, I told to my self.

"I have been waiting ..." someone said.

When I heard someone someone spoke, I jumped a little to where I was standing, The voice was in its perfect baritone in a perfect accent I have never heard in my life. American?

"Actually it is English; and if you are observant enough as you claim to be you know that it is I who had spoken". The voice said so flawlessly.

I slowly turned my head to where the cat was sitting and looked at the it curiously. It didn't move from its position, not even blinked but it looked at me so straightly in the eye and I suddenly felt a rush of cold wind touched my spine...

-- written Nov 7'10; 11:07 PM

Minutes of my life: Random!

7:08 PM

I'm still waiting for Castle to finish. When Castle finishes, I'll be watching it then Gossip Girl. I thought of catching up with this series even though I am way behind the season. I'm only in season 3, but hey it's not yet too late right?

Anyway, for now, I am going to watch Ted's show. I didn't watch it yesterday because I wanted to sleep early. Sorry love. (Pretending like he can read this is becomes fun!) :P

Oh creeps. I really should shut up and stop dictating what I am downloading.

7:15 PM

Whenever I check this fan-blog's email that I am moderating, it never fails to make me feel anxious. Anxious because I don't know if a mail will surprise me. You know, nut fans they exists.

7:43 PM

This short story that I'm reading gives me an idea that something is going to happen soon. I mean something ... er ... sexual. It' awkward and I feel weird. bwahahahha!

I was a bit distracted because I have to help someone upgrade their firefox. :) Oh well back to reading.

Couch Potato this time.

Since good news arrived yesterday I was in buoyant mode. With this, I decided to rewatch my favorite films and of course one of them is: Robin Hood (2010).

This movie is just beyond words. I know it might be a little "Gladiator knock off" but hell it was totally different. I don't know how others think that it's similar to Gladiator when the only similarity there is how Russell Crowe looked like. Seriously, if that's the case, it can be forgiven. No Harm Done.

The movie had done justice, the cinematography part (I'm not really familiar with the legend itself). The acting wasn't bad. The setting was cool. It was good.

The ending was a cliffhanger! So Robin Hood was proclaimed an outlaw but what happens next? I know, we all the legend; but I certainly want to see it in Ridley Scott's perspective. Plus, Russell and Cate undeniably have a chemistry.

But I am happy because there's the possibility of having a sequel. mwahahaha!

Epic!

That's it for today. Will update later. I need to at least allot an hour to read a book. Castle and Gossip girl next! :D

problem: no longer reading.

I noticed that I no longer read enthusiastically like I used before. It scares me to think that reading may no longer be as interesting to me as it used to. :( I need to get back to my own "reading" mood before I totally stopped reading.

For now, I am reading Haruki Murakami's The Elephant Vanishes. Murakami's books are interesting it's just that it's so unfortunate that my attention span seems lessening. Shiesh.

Oy, I am looking forward to next week. I think next week holds something very important for me, something life changing? :) hehehe!

Wish me luck, faceless friend.

Dear Friend,

Last night, I went to the top of the hill. To tell you my friend, I had a hard time climbing on top of it because Swordie was getting heavy; plus my hat keeps on falling off my head. I was thinking of leaving Swordie behind but I realized that if I left Swordie he would be alone. It will not help also that this place is already lonely. I guess Swordie will hate me if I left him. He might think that years of being with him meant nothing to me. So even though Swordie was a bit of a burden, I carried him around. I guess that's what friends do right?

When I reached on the top of the mountain, the sky was clear and wide as an ocean. Plus the stars above was like little diamonds that God had accidentally spilled. Maybe He did that because he doesn't want the sky to be empty.

You know when I stare at the sky and at the stars, there's this longing that I feel. It feels like I missed home; funny because I really have no home at all. Maybe the stars are my home that's why I feel this longing. Oh I should include that to my mission. I should find my way back home --- that is the stars. But ... hmm ... the question now is: how do I get there?

Well I hope you can help me my friend. I'll write to you soon.

Love,
Pyrate

Karen Davila's Good bye message

I wish I could reach out and shake your hand. I have been sharing my dinner with you ms. Karen and not seeing you and Julius around next week makes me feel like as if dinner is no longer the same

the many endings for today.

I sort of wanted to hit this blogger; because I already have published a very long decent entry only to have this as blank. Anyway I'll try to remember as much as I can in my post.

***

I have watched T.V Patrol earlier and it was unfortunately Karen Davila and Julius Babao's last episode. Julius was not around as he was still in vacation; Karen on the other hand was able to give her message. It was saddening that she had closed the door for T.V Patrol. But though she closed the door she, did it ever so gracefully. I will surely miss them and the twitter patrol days. The times that they tweet while on commercial breaks or it's not their turn to read the news. I guess twitter patrol is over too.

It's sad that Julius was not around to give his message on air but he already thank the people via his tweeter. Also, I am glad that Karen did not shed a tear when she gave her message ( for me, it was okay if she did) because if she did, her haters would criticize her for it. It's saddening that there are those people who likes to add insult to injury. Karen may have made a mistakes but it shouldn't be used against her. It's not like as if she's perfect.

Well apparently not everyone is as forgiving as me. :P

This is her picture taken with my love Ted. 11-05-10

It was sweet that she had hugged him. I almost wanted to tear on that part but I'm glad I didn't because it will looked funny if I did. I already feel ridiculous for being too sentimental of what's happening around ABSCBN anchors. Shiesh. By the way, Ted, honey please stop looking awkward in photos. :P

Oh as it seems, it's not only Karen bidding farewell because Maria Ressa also sent this tweet earlier:

So she already handed her keys, emptied her office, and bid farewell to her team and to ABSCBN. This is just too sad. :(

Well it's not just Karen, Maria, and Julius who is saying goodbye on something because I am also looking for changes this time to come. You see, I also had started deleting Pinky Webb and some of Edu Manzano's videos in my iTouch. I thought that it's time for me to stop obsessing. Deleting the videos is a start. I am doing this because I thought I should just be a regular/normal fan without too much obsessing about them. So somehow it's a start for me. It's not that I am going to stop liking them, I'd just be in a normal mode from now on.

Parting is bitter sweet. Bitter because it's ending but sweet because we suddenly thought of what had transpired, then we carry and rekindle them as we move on.

There is nothing permanent in this world but only change is constant. Like what Julius tweeted, he quoted Alexander Graham Bell saying: We often look so long & so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

Maybe it's time for us to stop looking what's behind but look forward to what is ahead. It's painful but it only means that we are heading towards beginning; and it's something we should look forward to.

*** 

That's it. I may as well call this a night and turn the computer off. I am already done downloading the stuffs that I have to download and they are now all in my iTouch. I'm off to watch few of them. I'm also heading towards the last episode of Castle. I'm not sad that I'm done with season 1 because I am surely excited for what's stored for season 2.

*sigh* You know the duality? Yin and yang, black and white, morning and night,.. there's something always poignant about it; but actually it's the beginning and ending that touches the deepest recesses of my heart. It's a human nature in that duality that gets me.

Goodnight.

on Karen Davila plus presenting Ted!

Her tweet.

Karen Davila tweeted and she said that she will be in T.V Patrol for the last time. It makes me so sad to see her go away but seriously, what can we do? Of course she's just an employee in ABSCBN, that even though she has like numerous fans clamoring for her to stay, it's always the management who has the last say. Anyway, just like what was written in a bible, everybody has its time. Apparently, her time as anchor in TV Patrol has ended; just like what had happen to Korina Sanchez back 6 years ago.

  image from PEP

Don't get me wrong. I love Korina and I am her fan but I happen to like Karen just as much. I know both of them are rivals but I still like them as a newscaster. 

I just wish that Karen will stay in ABSCBN. I mean, I know I can still catch her in TV5 if she ever moves but I love her Headstart, Pasada 630. Plus, I don't really tune in TV5 so I hope she stays. 

*hahaha* When did I actually started being fan of media men/women anyway? I know I was back like 8 years ago, but it stopped, then my fascination towards them geared back when I started liking Pinky Webb this recent.

*smacks forehead* I really should stop being a nut. I mean, I shouldn't be at all affected right? These people hardly will help me reached my goal. I should stop being shallow.

Anyway, that's just it. Bye for now. Will update later. Oh by the way 

That's Ted. He's the unconventionally handsome guy that I like. hahaha!
♥ 

pissh shiesh!

Long story short, I am a fan of this local personality and obviously of course she has a fan base already. But even so, I made this blog for her that gathers news, pictures, videos, what-not about her and apparently it caused some sort of dislike towards me by the original ones. It's kinda' ridiculous knowing that I made that just for the heck of it and not because I am going to start a group again. Now it seems like I am not welcomed.

It also seems they assume anything that has to do with her is their territory and thus everyone outside their little circle should ask permission to them in making as little as pathetic as a blog. :/

What do I know? Certainly this does not happen to international celebrity that I co-moderated in livejournal. I mean everyone can make a blog about a certain hollywood celebrity without making a fuss over it in livejournal or anywhere else. But here, it's not the case. Territory is territory. And so I wonder, can I not make a blog without causing some drama? Can I blog just for fun? I suddenly sort of regretted that I did. I hope I should have turned into an invisible fan.


And this is for them

Minutes of my life: lost wallet + Castle + downloading with Ted as special mention :P

6:00 PM

I couldn't find my wallet. There's no cash in my wallet but a bunch of receipts that I need to keep for warranty issues. I couldn't remember where I placed it. :(

I need to find it just in case ... and I hate it when I lost things, because the thought of being irresponsible pokes through my head.

I am downloading stuffs simultaneously: Robin Hood (2010), Castle (season 2 episode 1), and Storyline (Maria Ressa Episode) and my computer is in glacial pace mode as of the moment. I am sorry 'puter, this wouldn't take long. I promise.

I just finished watching Castle and maaaaan that was good. :P Beckett and Castle is starting to get to know each other. Well actually it's Beckett's we are starting to know more of. It's kinda' sweet. ♥

Oh well, I have to go back searching. I just turned this computer on just to see how my downloading is doing. :]

-- signed 6:04 PM

6:11 PM

I can't really find it. :( You know I'm a catholic and we have a patron saint for lost things. I never have done it, but I am thinking for praying to st. Anthony. hehehe! I have nothing to lose right? I guess, I might as well try.

Hmm ... I am thinking about Beckett and how much I wanted to watch another episode of Castle. I am curious about her. I guess I am starting to get the symptoms of being an addict. :O oh shiesh.

I am thinking of downloading the Devil Who Wears Prada soon. Probably when I finished downloading Robin Hood. :) I hope it finishes soon it's only 77.5% at the moment.

-- signed 6:16 PM

8:17 PM

I just had my dinner and watch the primetime news, which is TV Patrol and I'm all for Ted. ♥

Will update later with more substance. :)

-- signed 8:18 PM